Two new songs from the new EP are up on our myspace. If you've been wondering what I've been doing musically, go check it out.



http://www.myspace.com/dramaforthemasses

Friend (frɛnd) noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: "friends of the Boston Symphony."

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: "Who goes there? Friend or foe?



I deleted all my friends without Prejudice because for the the third time this month it has become apparent that some people can't be trusted. Let me know if you genuinely want to read what i have to say.

If you don't fit the criteria, I wont add you.

bear your cross and claim your loss.
it's such an after-thought, the pain your brought
and yet accuse me of the same,
though your actions were in vain.
Don't leave me the latter half?
am i not supposed to laugh when i can see it on your face?
such a disgrace.
such an awful mess.
it's this distaste i have for you
when this all boils down,
weighed thin, while we gnash our teeth,
drenched in sin between the sheets
call me callas, suspend my disbelief.
but it's all about your endless doubt about me.
how much is enough? tell me how much i'm supposed to take
when your defense is so fake.
so now i know where your loyalties lie, don't you try to hide.
the blood is all over your face.
it seems you misplaced your emotions as your hearts raced.
don't call me a liar or question my desire,
clearly i've chosen my fate, so what's gonna be honey?
you've only got one chance to fix this mistake.
how much weigh should i take
and what choice can i make?
it seems it's safe to say that you could easily be on your way.
what voice do i have in the choir and trials by fire
i mean that in a bad way, i mean that in a bad way. safe to say.
since you won't let sleeping dogs lie
you'd rather bleed the whole thing dry
you can't bear your own cross, so you add the weight to mine.
oh, of course its fine.
and when everything you've done is crossing the line,
tell me what choice do i have?
is it making you mad,
for my eyes are red with rage.

its the paramount of all objects
to receive your ever wonderful affection.
all my world's wrapped around the secrets i kept
from you, wishing i would die at your side.
to know that i didn't mess it up again this time,
to think my love for you could be something other than a cute line.
there's no better way to start the day
then in your arms
i thought that i could find a way
to be worth all of your charm.
but it's useless, like a sickness
it will only become worse
until i kick you like the habit you've become.
what have i become?
so much less than a prodigal son,
just a tired boy who finds time to hide
when he can no longer run.
i'm worth more than this,
i crave so much more than a kiss
just the warmth of your heart
against mine, it's what i miss
the most.
raise a toast
to all the failures that you boast.
its a kamikaze way to begin your approach.
make your move,
make some movement.
show me anything, anything in return.
what if these are our last lines?
like silent vows in complex story lines.
and if i never return
will you ever learn
of the things that have never seen the sun
in me.
stay with me, oh keep close
for in one moment you will become afraid
oh please stay, don't stutter, don't stray
for all of my fear is about to be swept away.
Have i changed? or have i really stayed the same?
am i doomed to repeat a history that i can't shake?
go ahead, shake your head
please run away.
make your escape and besides
i would have done the same
wouldn't i?
i am the truth about roles reversed,
and truly it couldn't get much worse.
so you hide behind
your white, stretched, and hollow lies.
and i will keep in my mind
the truth you'd wished you'd know.

can i be blamed for expecting just a little more
from a love that i could never have expected to end up on the floor
and how your heels sink so deep into everything we've made,
it makes me writhe inside, but i'm learning not to tell.
i never thought the same person who was the reason i breathe
would be the same to close my mouth and ask me to leave.
you've got a choice:
i can either rip this wall down
or i can simply raise my voice.
the way this evening is beginning
i don't think i'll get through either way.
you hide in that shell. i'm not going to crack you this time.
you take the time to find yourself, i'll take the time to rhyme.
am i wrong for expecting more from a lover turned to whore?
they all tell me to run, but i stick around to see the look on your face.
late at night, i laugh to myself. in that mirror, the man you'll never see.
but i could never be important enough, and i can't live in this fantasy.
so it appears this is the end of the line for me.
don't try to catch me running out the door,
i promise not to look you in the eyes ever again.
how does it feel to be the subject of an all but tragic romance?
tragedy turns to comedy turns to all but dead to me.
so take your things and honey, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
lets face it, baby you were made for this.
these simplistic infractions that you somehow always miss.
baby, you were born to leave me covered in the dust.
and i was born to always break my own fall.
this is not my back breaking,
this is my heart turning blood to steam
this is the end of the dream.
this is all my fears redeemed.

they must have called you out a thousand and a half times
your best attempt at good lines, oh that conscience is wearing thin.
surely you've seen lately the casualty you've made
is a fitting disguise to fool the eyes of those still listening.
i watched your jaw drop so fast i can attest to the fact
that nothing seems ordinary still.
i'm counting the breaths between your sentences
and the movements between each subtle hint of your argument.
"what are friends for?" i implore, your eyes glued to the floor.
yeah, you've clearly missed your mark.
is it a stark difference? is all this putrescence finding its home?
the dumpster of your life is growing full
and i know you feel that pull while you're running to the bathroom.
i'm sure you'll have a few more, and then fall face down on the floor.
oh, the laughter. oh, the humanity.
don't you walk away with that stupid little smile on your face.
don't you snicker at the banter that this relationship has replaced.
for the love of god, will you just move along instead of finding me here.
ain't it clear? i'm the one who will love you and disappear.
and i disappear.
baby, your lipstick is fading and all of your makeup's a glittering mess.
but you've had your chance at a slow romance, this is want you wanted.
it eats you up inside, and oh how you try to hide.
are your failures as numbered as attempts?
oh go ahead and tell me i'm just fishing in a contaminated mess.
well, maybe i am. once again, its your truth i defend.
and you're calling me a liar.
count backwards from 10. open your eyes and try that sentence again.
only this time with a little less feeling.
love is such an awkward thing, and with such sentiments brings the refusal of gentle men.
may my wretched hands, in your defense, destroy something beautiful today.
it's someone else's turn to pay.
i can feel the bounce in my step slowly leaving. i can feel the pressure in my chest slowly relieving.
well give this a try, before you ask why,
tell me what of this you haven't seen yet?
and in those books where your words are kept, am i better for it yet?

if i could say one thing to you right now
i probably couldn't find a word, i probably wouldn't know how.
i'd probably become more nervous than the first day that we met
and choke. what a hint for what hadn't happened yet.
i was built with veins that clog as soon as the pressure increases
and i'm sure if you put me under the microscope
you'd find yourself between my creases.
and i can't get a word in edge wise.
that should really come as no surprise.
you didn't give me the air i need,
but you sure as hell gave me the strength to breathe.
it seems i'm always out of breath, i stutter step
i selectively forget.
i turn myself inside out and start peeling off my insides.
i guess i'd rather be a hollow shell inside then have to burn like this all the time.
i guess i'd rather never know then know and have the scars to show.
so i guess, i'll never know.
and to a certain extent, i dont want to know.
just pack your bags, hit the road.
and leave everything of me in your old home.
i used to be something you missed, now i'm just something you'd like to be replaced.
you misplaced you cowardice, disguised it with aclohol and sex and your new place.
i watch the grace drip off your lips, and dissapate with every kiss.
it's not the important parts you miss, it was just the soft movement of hips.
i can't say i told you so. but i can't say i didnt't already know.
these days seem to pass so slow while i'm crossing off days weeks at a time.
i used to take up all your time. now they say, these things, they take them.
so maybe i should really burn the bridge
and stop holding out for something that will never exist.
i used to be the one you missed. now i'm the one you wish you'd never kissed.
you pad yourself well, i'm sure you never fel the fall.
i'm still picking up peices and putting together a past i dont recall.
some, they say i'm better off. some say you just wanted to get off.
some say i'm better off. some call you an insensitive little show off.
some say i should just get off. let go and move on and sign your memory off.
these days i can't agree more.
these days, i find myself on the floor in a bar i don't remember going in.
there's numbers in my phone of people i've never met.
there's a million and one promises i'm sure i never kept.
and i'm almost positive that all i've done is wept.
but we can't be blamed for our mistakes.
they all simply chalk it up to fate.
i seem to be following along, rememembering how strong i used to be.
and maybe i'm not the same, but i know i simply haven't been me.
so it's time to build a comfortable cocoon.
away from your underage saloon.
it's time i get comfortable inside myself.
it seems its the best protection.
all alone on a dusty shelf.
with any kind of hope and grace i'll be able to escpae this place.
and find solice in the solitude that this empty room brings.
i know you'll try to get back in.
i know it's a matter of sink or swim.
but i'm barred and barracaded in.
i'm sorry, but this time
you can't win.

Don't you point that thing at me,
as overdressed and haunted by calamity you may be.
this isn't supposed to be a working part of society,
this is not intended to have any functionality,
and yet you crawl, hand and foot through the things you desert.
You know it's funny how you find yourself in these situations,
your degradations are humming in my ear.
you know it's funny how these awkward situations work out
and bury me, you'll bury me.
Just don't bother coming 'round here no more
unless its on that god forsaken floor that you're so dependent on
and we'll keep floating on, won't we?
oh, there's no better place to be then on the outskirts of obscurity,
and you'll rush yourself out, now you flush yourself out.
its like a cancer, a fleeting disease. It burrows at 10 degrees
and you cant get it out of here. it won't come out of your hair.
and so we push on like juggernauts in this high strung clause of nauseating
carelessness, the trade of a kiss for a plush felt mark we missed.
and bury me, you'll bury me.
and from this sea i'll be carried to wherever i am heading.
where i belong, its so far from home.
and will you carry on in your own self righteous way?
or will we fall, or will you fall from the cliffs you swore you made?
and now, bury me, please bury me.
in this dead red sea, please wash your hands of me.
cleanse yourself of this misery.
oh, you'll bury me while it all becomes a
dream.
while we're fighting, on the outside of this house
it all becomes so picturesque, a bloody mess
and we're spewing with the cancer we infected ourselves
with
and our own
hands
are responsible. could you feel less dead in a hospital?
could a human hands bring you any comfort?
well do you? because i do.
well do you? well i choose not to.
you can do what you have to.
just don't bother showing your face here,
we all know exactly what you wanted.
and i hope you got it while you were waiting at the door.
you'll bury me, you'll bury me again.

oh, wouldn't it be lovely
throw all your wishes right into the sea
and all that you will remember of me
is the color green and these christmas tree's
and oh, the light
the incadescense of a silent night
and all those famous words we say
while we pray
for an ending
and it's so much more than
running and diving
head first into the waning of excess
and harmony
and oh wouldn't it be
so much larger than me.
and those who boast their hope
and shine while they elope with
there fashions and passions
of a serious nature
i remember this one thing
i want it to be more than me, so much more than
everything.
please count the steps it takes
before i make another mistake
please oh please dont let it go away.
don't let it slip through my hands again
the faults and failures of modern men.
hold it to the light
hold on to this fight
dashed in the dawn of flurescent and irredescent candle light.
it's such a fixture, such a fix
and a mix of emotions i cant comprehend much less defend so
pull me out by the string
and cut the chain again.
oh, wouldn't it be nice to break that ever thin and melting ice
to come in from that deep freeze
to be able to feel my knees
oh the pleasure in that deep collapse
oh the silence in that awful lapse of movement
my my, the symetry.
my, what's become of this dead red scene.
oh cut the chord and cut the tape
the objects of this palisade
the awful things you used to hate and
now embrace, though may have disgrace
its such an awful taste that i let pass through my
senses and the end of my brain.
so maybe now i can sleep
maybe i dont need to count the sheep.
maybe i can sing a sad song with my head up
with my eyes closed and my chin so bold.
don't tell me it could get better, because it already has.
dont tell me this shit will get thinner, because this is all we have.
dont tell me
no
dont you tell me that i'll be fine
because i'm alright. all. right?

well, wouldn't that be such a fitting ending
for such a monotone dialogue
where all this disassembling
comes to a close and we all move on
but the truth is, you can't escape it
you can try to fake it
and walk alone in this cold and dark hallway
all in all there's not much to solve
except that solving is all you are
this logic that i twist around this fate
it's such an easy way to sedate
the obvious and more absurd and the reason
is i can't explain my actions nearly half as well
as i describe everyone elses
it's like it's scripted, it's like i wrote it
it's like these pieces are not mine, they're not anyone's
but yours.
it's like the reason that i'm so speachless is
all these tales of yore, they're so simple and inadequate
so please spare me that finger in my face
i already know of my disgrace.
and i would love to feel the betterment
and as the sediment is laid
please pry me from that bitter escape.
it's not your's it's not anyones but
mine.
and i find that it's getting hard to
breathe and to see and make some semblance of anything
devoid of the logic of the seasons and the counting
of regrets and repents and anything other than reality
it's so plain to see but so hard to
change and re-arrange and make sense of this world
while we pawn through the embers of the fire that has burned
in our hearts in our minds and it's pushing us to find
you.
and you're mechanical way of calming me down.
so here i am.
take me as a mere and a mortal man.
take me for all that i am
it's your voice i can stand in this treason
in these excuses so weighted in doubt.
you'll find out.
you always do.
here's to you.
here's to me. here's to the shadows and the tree's,
the graves and the leaves.
here's to all who have walked and fallen before
because i run with the fact and i use such great tact
but it's circles. it's a spiral, it's so vicious and
continuous.
so please, spare the disaster.
spare me my own rapture,
oh how i long to be cured and burned by your touch
oh i yearn.
and i never learn.
so take me or break me or make me the man that i am
that i want to be.
so start me or pull apart the me that everyone see's but me.
show me the reason
show me the paint
and the particle
the strand and the follicle
show me the martyr and mark
and what keeps us apart.
oh i long for it.
so please hear me out just this time.

lets not speak of casualties, of what we have and what you see.
it all becomes a memory. folded, stowed and dead to me.
we could stand at odds with probability and argue for possibility
but that's never made sense to me, what has become will always be.
if you'd like to bring our pain to the table,
then fine, lets go, i'm more than able.
i've got skeletons to raise, and i know i'm hardly stable.
i've got ghosts that haunt my house, i've got lessons learned in fable.
this is all quite routine for me, all leading back to this dead red sea
where i clean my hands, piss into the breeze, where i cleanse myself of this misery.
to you these facts are simple verse, propaganda in your little universe.
i'm not the last and, honey, i wasn't the first.
with a world like this, it will only get worse.
my existence, to you, is just complementary, just filler for this sad sob story,
in this depression you disguise as glory, mistaking your escape for something holy.
a dartboard for your frailties, a horrible mistake.
how you personify perfection is still disgustingly fake.
as i hold a candle to the painting and it all begins to flake.
its just defeat, its just disgrace.
its just these tears rolling down my face.
its just these memories i cant replace.
its just a dull and rotting place.
so give me the costume i must wear, give me a cross of yours to bear.
i'll play the part of the empty stare. give me my lines and your lies as a pair.
i'll be the reason, you be the excuse. i'll be the muse for what you refuse.
i'll be the hangman, you tie the noose. pick who dies first, is it me or is it you?
sometimes you kept me alive, other times you just took up space.
so who and how am i to differentiate?
i claim no defection, no protection of state,
all i claim is the truth in the sedatives you ate.
you were a model for a dream, a vessel for a fantasy.
a sparkling image of which you couldn't be.
maybe my vision needs correcting, maybe i'm too blind to see,
but a potential for perfection is all i could foresee.
these ugly artifacts are history, a past well laid in empathy
which quickly turned to apathy, and utter lack of sympathy.
so point your finger, aim your gun, pull the trigger, i will run.
we'll see who wins, just for fun.
i've been dodging bullets all my life, i really make no sacrifice.
relive the past, restart the hype, reuse the abuse of an innocent flight.
is this the game you wanted? is this the pain you deserve?
is this the fruitless garden you planted? is this the beauty you preserve?
are these the plants you named? are these the flowers that you burned?
is this the destruction that you talked about?
are these the lessons you haven't learned?
in the grave you made for me, i'll turn. here's my heart, please find a nice urn.
i know you'll rewrite the ending, and to my grave site you'll return.
they all soon will burn.
without a single concern, i guess you'll never learn.

i know i'm dressed to phonetically impress
while i hide my eyes under these soft, revealing skylines.
we'll paint this town red with all the words that we have said,
we traded simple expressions for a chance at a beautiful conception.
what was born was a beast with two minds,
finding it hard to believe that we could be anything but in between.
well go and point your fucking fingers at me.
this monster is built into my anatomy.
while i self destruct in the air, you say its not fair to denounce it.
we're already so far. far gone.
you're so coy and precious, how you coat yourself in sugar
like this bullshit will go down any easier.
and now i'm choking, the subtle use of foreshadowing,
i'm sure that god of yours is laughing.
i can't differentiate from anger and the melancholy feeling i get
when it comes to it.
so i repress everything, and begin to flee from myself.
i hope your bed felt like home to him.
i hope he felt it, i hope he meant it (like i did)
i hope while you were shuffling between the sheets
you felt strong where with me you would always feel weak.
i hope your tongue moved enough for all those words you won't dare speak.
in this tortured soul lies an empty hole that you left
and you knew, you had to know.
and to think i could have laid beside you
to think you couldn't be sincere if you tried to.
to think you could understand a damn thing that went on in my head.
but i'm the one behind the walls with the gun in my hand
i'm the one with the words you cant comprehend
i'm the one with all the awkward silences and stanza's that don't appear to make any sense.
i'm the one.
i'm okay. i'll survive, its all i know how to do right anyway.
oh, and hun. by the way.
the future you see is soon to be two thousand miles away.
so wish me luck, wish me well.
wish me silence, wish me utter hell.
don't act innocent you know you failed just like me.
don't you try and ask me to stay
in a tomb thats so quiet and lingering
on the tip of your tongue, watch the meaning decay.
oh, baby.
it was meant to be this way.

starting today, for the next forty days, the following things have been removed from my life:
alcohol, drugs, tobacco, sexual activity (of any sort[except kissing]), soda, meat.

perhaps the beauty that comes from our mouths doesn't belong to our lips
and maybe simple words can be replaced by the soft movement of hips
sometimes dimes roll off our fingers and our minds are completely erased
and the status of such awful longings become the past when we're replaced.
i'm finding humble reasons with the changing of the seasons
to turn back and re-establish
communications and relations with movements that have since danced past my welcome mat
and there's a static that prevails where everything else fails
to fill a void we cant yet bring ourselves to name
but we can pass shame onto our nimble little limbs.
so to what length will we incarcerate ourselves?
at what cost will we bury these silent mounds
of things we've dug up from the bedrock that we've been dredging our whole lives
and what deposits will decay, what will be lost in the fray
while we fold our hands because we cant comprehend
the sudden loss and remorse felt on attendance of our own deaths.
what has passed in this night will leap and take flight
and our hearts will all join hands.
while we relish in a moment that was second in performance
to our last and fatal dance.
there's a casualty in the subsidiaries we create with modern lands
i try to keep my steady heart straight and try to reciprocate
the results of emotional finance.
at what cost?
and we dig our hands into the wall
find ourselves begging, yet forgetting that we fall
and our arms outstretched
fighting against the letters and the static rays of impotence and diligence
while we digress and re-assess our situation, it keeps playing
while the melody jumps off our tongues.
and right before impact, before that smack reverberates
we keep telling ourselves everything is fine.
go to bed.
dont wake the distance we've created with the re-interpretation
of a certain event that has now been made into cement
we cant remove it, yet we cant forget
so keep rolling with the punches, knowing sooner or later
that glass jaw, it was built with flaw.
and your achilles heal is burning to collapse
your violent ending is just waiting for the perfect moment to re-apprehend.
a suspect, we're all suspects in this charade.
yet until your dying day you will claim immunity and scream for amnesty.
well i've got your forgiveness right hear.
we can trade up for all your fears.
and its been years in front of mirrors
trying to find the young man i've since replaced with this tired face.
so take a good hard look, see what you'll find
now that you've got nothing better to hide behind.
look in those big blue eyes and try to tell yourself another lie.
see if you can defy that.

i'm leaving today and i'm not sure where i'm going to go.
i'm not certain what for, but i just thought that i'd let you know.
There's this hole in my heart, and no one seems to fill it.
I've tried for so long, but nothing seems to heal it.
i hope that i'm wrong, but i'm tired, its useless now.
There's this guy down the hall, and he hears me playing this song.
as he walks past the door, he starts to hum along.
Its the words we all know with the chords we're used to hearing.
It's a story i've told for years that keeps repeating.
So i guess that i'll stop. i'm tired, its useless anyhow.
Of course i remember every word that you said to me
but i hope in due time and good measure the memories will fade.
i hope that some day, i'll make some sort of grade.
i'm sorry its so sudden, but the anchor gave way to new tears.
its the same damn mistakes that i've made for years and years and years.
it's nothing you did, its nothing i expected
i tried to bite my lip, but the blood keeps me from forgetting
that my heart wont move, not even for you.
i cant help but feel like the best thing that happened to me is leaving
but my feet are the ones moving, and who knows if its meant to be.
i hope that some day i'll make some sort of grave.
everyone is singing.
bury your hopes in me.

so while you're out there on the ocean,
engaging; in forward motion,
i'll miss you solemnly,
specifically in the souls of my feet.
and i know its not just eggshells that we're walking on.
i know we're the ticking time bombs, i've been calling shotgun.
so dont think twice before you take each step.
you are filled with grace, and your heart is a steady pace.
let the world get in step.
let your arms be the anchor.
and i will be the shining shore.
wishing good luck, kissing you goodbye.
you cant spell argument with out regret
you cant spell miscellaneous without a mess.
you cant spell time without me.
you cant say no while were standing on this beach.
so sail away, and find another day to shine upon.
laugh it up, we'll find the awful words to sing along.
dont cry for long, we're just waking up a sleeping giant
while the carousel, the whistles and bells resound around us.
we're not too hesitant with inherent bliss,
we're just finding alternatives to silence.
and while its up in the air, heads or tails
we'll see if the winner loses or fails.
we'll mark our progress for the honesty of history preserved.
we'll call these lessons learned while we choose which bridge to burn.
and while you're looking down, an ocean blue.
know that i am smiling back at you.
thats just my funny way of saying i miss you.
dont move too fast, you'll only blur the negative.
and dont stand still for too long, you'll make a perfect target.
so cut your losses, your innumerable defeats.
its the remarkable that you must so often repeat.
dont forget the miracle,
dont forget the artist inside of you.

so we're fading in the moonlight
as the once endless string of street lights turns to open lots of land.
Piled in the Mercury, it became quite clear to me
how abruptly this all would end.
so while we're out there tempting our fate,
as our lives excel at an alarming rate
the retention of our connection will dissipate.
along the fault lines of my heart, there are these little earthquakes.
though i'm wary of my minds unquestionable resolve
there are peices to this puzzle that i have yet to solve.
of course i panic, naturally i reach for a hand to hold
and i am met with untraveled waters and the cold in my bones.
i feel the urge and pull of in-pubescent attachments
and of course, the ping of my adolescent entrapments.
for all my growth in the face of such tyranny
for my life lead in the truth in irony
for the pause, for the recoil
for waiting for the water to boil.
i am a watched pot that refuses to get old.
they're telling me go, when i really want to stay.
they think i'm a wolf, while this is sheeps play.
and the slight relapse, the charts and graphs,
the innumerable proof that theres no control
that theres no perfect prose to capsulize our hopes.
we all want the perfect sunset to imprison the time that we meant
we all want time machines to chase our dreams,
but all that we can do is pine for what we dont see.
to go find truth in what we believe.
to try to punctuate the differences in everything at stake.
well i loved all of you.
theres nothing else i can do but wait.
we raise our glasses to times that we have spent
and numerate the monuments
the good times that surely did roll
right before the enormous fall from the infinite
the perfect stretch from invincible to cowardice.
there was no way of telling it would ever be like this.
and surely, there arent enough thank you's
to fulfill proper acknowledgment.
for you have filled me,
for you have moved me.
for you introduced me to a life i should have been leading all along.
i am thankful for having met you.
this and much more is due.
i truly love you.
as all us friends do.
i want to thank you.
thank you.

its okay if you cant find the words,
i think if you were to fake it would hurt a lot worse.
trust me, its okay, i'll be just fine.
with this sparkle in my eye and this break in my spine.
they say "sorry, but i told you so."
well what do you know?
i've been dodging bullets like loan sharks from Reno.
there is no just cause, just a silent pause
as i stop in the hallway and consider my odds.
on the one hand i've got defenses to man
the flood waters wont reach me with this mental wall of a dam.
and on the other hand i could let the waves wash over me,
let them consume me and carry my body down stream.
so while you abuse certain truths,
my hands are tired and slightly bruised.
while i decide what i'd rather lose,
your given the right and the priviledge to choose.
well it must feel nice.
it must feel safe inside your skin.
while i cant decide which life would better suit the tv
and which one would feel better on the radio.
what do we sell and how do we prove
to the media that, truely, we've got nothing to lose?
while you pull up your pantyhose and i think of some prose
some type of cunning arrangement of words and woes.
don't tell the audience, they'll hear every word
and they will spit that shit out like a dirty actor.
dont tell the director, you'll spoil the plot,
while we take every inch of this empty lot of
a soul, of some kind of mind control.
you dig your hole, i'll pretend that i'm the mole
digging tunnels under your house
to find out the truth
and to be a muse for what lives inside you.
its well done, all those common misconceptions,
all the clever little ways you find to cloud perfection.
ain't it funny how we cut ourselves out,
and when we're caught out on the screenplay
all we've got is a gaping mouth.
so while your swallowing your pride,
wont you save a bite for me,
because its the last part of you
i'll most likely ever see.
so dont get too close
cause i'm comatose
and contagious
and outrageous.
dont get to close.
the sting will eat you alive.
and its a struggle to mend it,
a struggle to survive.
so dont get close to me.

its simple how we wrote it, the story is in how we sold it.
we gave our money to the pulpit. the script, the screen, the silent movement.
the truth isn't in the sculpture, i believe you left that at the alter.
while you start running with your pictures of outlined faces in the mirror.
dont you dare try and explain it, i like it better when you fake it.
the sort of meaning i can still get without reading too much into it.
i feel the veins that line my stomach bulge and purge in a solid movement.
i feel the pressure in my arteries slowly build and take over me.
where is the time line for distortion? where are the things i call important?
when theres no one around its useless, i swear im not just acting clueless.
i promise i mean every word i say. straight from what that so called good book said.
i'm not trying to make it endless, i'm just trying to get it all to make sense.
i know what your trying to say in your own meticulous way.
but its a circle that your walking in, and its a hole that i am digging.
tell me whats the point in trying, when you are born you start dieing.
and as the blood leaks out through your skin, so does that destiny you were built within.
so go on and go. we dont need a big show.
please just slip out discreetly. common, curt, and neatly.
dont let me hear the word compromise in this emotional concubine.
our fingers were once intertwined, but our figures are more defined.
separated at the joint, pulled straight from the limb.
while the silence escapes and takes off with the wind.
my eyes explode as they take you in.
my feet feel the pulse, it starts the tick from within.
so this is the inevitable time bomb,
the race against the clock
where we choose our sides carefully
we keep our bullets lock.
we all hum a silent reville
while flashing our guns
and in the blinding glory of morning
our metaphysical battles are fought
we're all dying
we're all dying to know.
we're all lying.
please, let the bullets show our purpose.
inebriated by the adrenaline that sinks into our skin,
exasperated by our rigid bones, a symphonic hymn.
oh, how they hark, oh how they tremble.
oh how they lack all explanation.
oh how they move, oh how they move me.
i can feel the tenderness with every kiss.
and i dance with death on the tables of all of my friends
they lift there glasses high in the air
and you are the only one that notices my stair
as gravity breaks me from my chains
and i'm sinking under
the weight
of this load.
its too much to bear, its too much to tamper with.
i know my bodies wet from the sprinklers i set off,
you know i always had a taste for the dramatic.
but for once, it ends with you instead.
the knife that cuts the tension is the same that cuts the tendons
the very same that leaves you helpless,
the very same that takes a census of the cells in your body
it familiarizes itself with every entity.
please, back away.
this is kind of a big deal here.
just leave, walk away.
theres nothing else to see hear.
you better off, now lets move along folks.
tape off the scene, tell it so serene.
make it clean again.
make it stop.
make it go.
away.

the saddest part about the ending is that i couldn't see it coming.
i feal my lungs collapsing, i feel my heart crumbling.
i'm always preememptive, now i'm just unbecoming.
and i'm becoming a ghost.
which part is more inexplicable;
the process or the synapse?
the replay should be a giveaway, but i simply cant find a way
to explain how i fell away, to explain why my heart wont stay.
the chase is the clinching bid, but its dissipation in the wind
always proves tragic when stagnation begins to set in.
is it that i'm comfortable in the four walls of your heart?
is it the warmth of your arms? or soft and simple charm?
it all seems perfect now, all pieces seem to belong.
and we built monument for us to follow on.
my heart is a spider web, and its a picky catch.
i will ensnare you there, and whether i'll reject
is up to the final hour, with my heart on the line.
i'll leave your heart there to die.
and when i'm done, i'll be the one asking why.
these wall are screaming your name.
cant we just go back, cant i just stay?
cant i just always feel the way that i would love to?
my heart is no simple threat. its sure no easy catch.
but your a winner, kid. dont you ever forget that.
your strength amazes me, with these tears i wont let you see,
theres a grin on my face as i admire your persistance.
you're like that daisy in the grasslands of my heart.
you wont give up.
(i wont give up)
i see a similarity in the stars that we cant see.
though hidden,they are glistening.
and as i sit on this rock this day
watching patterns in the clouds, they often rearrange.
i see your face ebb and flow with the suns rays.
i see the haven i have laid.
and i see how much i have changed.
i see the soft spots you have made.
so, in response, no.
i wont go. i cant leave. its just a part of me
is going to leave with you. and i just cant die again.
i've just got to see this through.
i dont know how it works, but i still love you.
and i dont why it happens, but i cant fall for you.
its this marvelous cutting edge, this wonderful catch 22.
that has me sick in bed and crying over you.
no one knows where it goes from here, this ending is so impromptu.
but please dont leave so quick.
(i might be in love with you)